Ok, by now we all know with our hyper-obsession of zombies, in most daily situations, the zombies are the least of your worries! It’s the other crazies out there that you’ll really need to keep your eye out for. You’re going to want to get away from them.
It’s also been scientifically proven that being in a highly populated location like a city would cause a Zombie outbreak to spread much more rapidly than if you lived somewhere with no one else around. So, where is the safest zombie-free area in the world? The least populated state in the nation – Wyoming. I used to live in Wyoming and I’ll tell you now… there is no one there. You can drive for hours and not see another soul. Just sagebrush… or snow… which could be a good thing if you follow common zombie tropes. Zombies go slower in the cold, and are not fans of fire. But there are plenty of cows, and a healthy ratio of firearms per capita. So you’ll have no problem coming across a gun or two for protection.
So here are the 5 steps to take when there is a Zombie Apocalypse:
1. Move to Wyoming
As already mentioned, Wyoming (Or really any similar area – Montana, The Sahara, most of Canada) is a safe bet. There aren’t nearly as many people to attract the notice of an army of the undead (it wouldn’t be worth their time really). If you did happen to see some stragglers, it would most likely be from miles away (because of the sparseness), so there would be plenty of time to arm up. Be sure to look for desolation, small population, some cows, and moderate temperatures (as much as is possible).
2. Stock up on firewood and other fuel sources
Firewood is necessary and useful for multiple reasons. It will keep you warm (and alive) on those cold winter days. It will heat up your porridge, cook your chicken, warm your stew, and boil your water. It is also an affective weapon. It’s heavy, could easy take off a zombie head, and ouch: splinters! Finally, zombies (as mentioned) do not fancy fire. So, worst case, you could start a massive fire and cook some undead gruel.
3. Take over a local bulk supply store (Preferably Costco).
A supply store like Costco would be an appropriate place to make your stay during the zombie apocalypse. Particularly if you get there first and secure the dwelling from unwanted intruders, both dead and undead. There are as many supplies as you could possibly want to feed yourself, your team, your children, and your children’s children (assuming you all live that long). There’s also many items that can be used for comfort and entertainment such as couches, mattresses, TVs, and a large collection of DVDs and books (did we mention the bargain sized alcohol?). Finally, many stores like these have weapons, or items that can be used in lieu of weapons (lawn mowers? Food processors?).
4. Get a zombie-proof suit
While a zombie might still be able to reach you with his/her filthy teeth through a decontamination suit, it does offer some protection. There are more layers for zombies to have to fight through (they’ll probably get bored an move on to an easier brain). Also, as we have no indication that the zombie virus will not be contagious through contact/sneezing, the suit will keep you safe from contaminated air. As an additional bonus, for those who are as dirt averse as I am, the suit will take the brunt of the nasty gore from a day of zombie fighting. Just wash it off, shed your layers, and bam, clean as the days pre-zombie infestation.
5. Start farming!
Once you’ve found yourself in a barren landscape, accompanied by only a few cows, you remember that you need to eat. If you’ve seen The Martian, you know that planting grain here on earth is an important first step for your survival and should be no problem. Just get to work. When you’re self sufficient, you can outlast all those pesky zombies…and everyone else.
Written by Kanton Budge